When I told my local social services department of my wish to adopt Lutaaya, there were many hurdles. The main one being, no one knew quite what to do. Inter-country adoption is very rare in the UK, although it can be done and is being done. Individuals are often not all from the same community so never hear of each other. I was in a fortunate enough position to know of some families who had already completed the process, who lived in Wales and had adopted from Uganda. In fact, they had adopted from the very same orphanage Lutaaya is from. I knew it was possible, I just needed everyone else to be optimistic too.
Knowing I was out on my own in respect to adopting from Uganda, I sat through adoption training, seeing some relevance but having no real link with domestic adoption (adoption taking place in the UK). My case was to be different. My case would be rare. My case would follow different guidelines. My case would have more obstacles.
Then to travel to Uganda and see SO MANY people doing just the same thing as me was wonderful, awe-inspiring even! Such an amazing blessing to be part of this community. Meeting and talking to other people who had the same heart for the children in Uganda and who were becoming forever families too.
One slight difference:
I was the only Brit it town.
Everyone else adopting were Americans.
I have no clue why inter-country adoptions are more commonplace in America than they are here in the UK? It still costs money, it’s still a difficult and lengthy process. We have no drive or national publicity campaign promoting inter-country adoption. Maybe that’s why? Who knows? All I know is for my adoption journey process,
I was the only Brit in town.
I linked up with lots of American families adopting, during my time in Uganda. Some stayed in my guest house, others adopted from the same orphanage. Some I knew simply on the basis of a smile and greeting, others I spent lengthy days with, helping each other out on our down days and supporting each other as and when we could.
One day, towards the end of my visit to Uganda, I convinced myself that I had lost my accent. I believed that due to me only hearing American accents, that I had picked up on it too. Lutaaya heard ‘Mom’ or ‘Mommy’ so many times that I was sure that’s what she’d think she had to call me. (I think the Ugandan culture and sunshine by this point was taking it’s toll.)
The funny thing is, on talking to Nathan and Bethany, they believed they were picking up on my accent! To any Ugandans listening in, we must have sounded a right odd group, especially when you add in eyebrow yes’s as Ugandans so often do.
It didn’t bother me being the only Brit in town. I would rather be with like-minded people from wherever they are from in the World than be stuck in an adoption process on my own. What this time did though was open the door to a new way of thinking. No, not all children in orphanages are orphans. Yes, if there can be family traced and the family are able to protect, care and provide for that child in their home, then that is the best place for them. But if there is no alternative for these children, they shouldn’t simply be left to ‘rot’ in orphanages around the world. Let’s promote fostering and adoption. Let’s start with advocating this in their home countries, so they can keep their culture and customs alive, but let’s also not close the door on the idea of inter-country adoption. This is a process that should be celebrated and promoted, when it’s in the best interest of the child. My friend Keren wrote here, in her blog about a recent domestic adoption taken place in Uganda.
And no, I’m not expecting all you Brits to run and ask social services if you can start an inter-country adoption today. In fact I think I’d discourage it. It has to be the right choice for you. It has to be the right choice for that child. Read Keren’s blog here to find out that not only ‘orphans’ end up in orphanages. Let’s get promoting adoption and fostering in our own countries! There are so many children in the UK waiting for families to come forward. They aren’t all babies, but imagine the joy an older child could bring to your life. Let’s get behind those people who choose to foster and adopt. Children are children from whatever part of the world they are from. They all have dreams, ambitions and needs. Let’s become a more accepting nation to the idea of fostering and adoption.
Then maybe I won’t be the only Brit in town!
And if anyone reading this has already adopted, inter-country or domestic, please do get in touch, regardless of what stage of the process you are in. Sometimes all you need to know is you are not alone.
