Changes take us back to square one!

Sometimes on an adoption journey you take three steps forward and then two steps back.  Certain times you feel like you have taken a giant leap back and have ended up back at square one. 

Change is certainly a factor to this.  Whoever says 'change is good' needs to try parenting a child with autistic tendencies or who has suffered trauma. 

Children who have suffered trauma love consistency and routine.  I'd go as far to say all children work at their best when there is a consistent pattern and routine to life.  As adults we like to know what's coming our way and can settle into a comfortable, predictable way of life.  Children who have suffered trauma seem to hang on to this routine more so than others.

When routine changes, so does behaviour.

It's usually the main care giver (Mum or Dad) who take the brunt of this behaviour change, even though, the changes may be very much out of their control.

There have been a lot of changes we have recently had to deal with.  Changes most children would cope quite well with and probably go unnoticed.  A change of school start time, a change of school uniform, a change of form tutor in school, a change of timetable, a change of school dinner menu.  Too many changes, too quickly for some children to cope with.  A time when there is a sense of 'losing control'. 

It's tough on kids who need the stability of constant adults in their life to suddenly have a change of faces.  A simple comment of, 'I'll be with you, to support you right the way through school' is a forgotten statement when schools adjust staff to meet needs but yet confirms again that maybe not all adults can be trusted.  It wasn't meant in that way, but has been perceived in that way.  It gives the idea that maybe a child needs to push away at all the boundaries trusted adults in their life set, just to see if they are keeping their promise, that forever means forever.

Its in the little details of keeping days 'normal'.  Sticking to a routine.  Being a parent who can juggle the inconsistencies and make them as foreseeable as possible.  Even an unexpected trip out can turn a child's world upside down.  It's about warning lights that may trigger in that child's behaviours and demeanours, to stop that child from getting stuck in a melt down.   Sometimes you have to see the storm brewing and put in the mechanisms to cope with the fall out.  Sometimes you may be lucky enough to even prevent that fall out happening.

In those three steps forward, when we are parenting effectively and making progress, we plan and prepare for those two steps back.  We learn as we go along.  We build relationships with our children and we rely on support networks around us to help us support our children while keeping ourselves supported.  This stuff is draining and easy it is certainly not.  The parenting magic wand is very needed in these situations, but for those of us who still haven't found the magic wand, we keep going, we continue to try new methods of moving our children forward and we walk alongside our children.  Even if we only make it off square one and onto square two - it is progress.  This step could be HUGE!  So pat yourself on the back and keep going.

And for all those looming challenges (changes in routine) that will happen due to summer holidays and the start of a new school term in September - bring it on, this Mama is ready and waiting!!!!

An Update from Uganda

Well the community in Buweri have been very busy relocating the pit latrines.

Here is the new site.

Look at all the building materials WE bought - can't thank you enough.

And the best picture of all........

The work has started and soon there will be a pit latrine for the children in the Primary school.

All thanks to you.