Refugees Welcome

We’ve all seen the images of the people the media are calling the migrants, walking from their homeland of Syria to try and find a better life.  Men; women; children; some babes in arms.  

My heart breaks for them.  So many of us turned away from the image of the lifeless 3 year old boy’s body, washed up on the shore because it hurt so much.  

It was a picture that for many would change their heads and hearts.  This child could be anyone’s: mine, yours.  Would you turn away if he was your son?  Would you want the world to turn away if he was your son?  

There are so many comments flying about in social media about the great migration.  We are seeing history made in our lifetimes.  And yet so many comments are negative and hurtful.  These people are people, just like the rest of us.  They are not trying to win over a quick entry pass to enter another country.  Given the chance they would opt to stay in their homeland, but they are fleeing for their own safety and the safety of their families.  Their worlds have been turned upside down over recent years, with war, terrorism, death on their doorsteps.  They don’t just hear stories of terror; they have lived and witnessed terror first-hand.  

Would you stay or would you run?

If you watched your husband beheaded in front of you, would you stay or would you run?

If you knew staying meant your wife and daughter will be raped at knifepoint, would you stay or would you run?

If your son was being coerced into an extremist terror group, would you stay or would you run?

If your children couldn’t go out to play for fear of them being gunned down, would you stay or would you run?

Could you live a life overshadowed by fear?  

These people know the risks of getting on an inflatable dingy trying to cross the Mediterranean sea.  They know they play roulette with their lives and the lives of their children as soon as the money passes into the hand of a trafficker offering to help them escape.  They know the dangers ahead but staying offers just as much danger if not more.  How would you prioritise the risks? Could you even begin to imagine how desperate a situation you would have to be in to even contemplate making the decision of walking away from everything you know?

These people don’t need our judgement over what’s wrong or right.  They don’t need discussions over whose fault it is their country is under the hand of ISIS.  It doesn’t come down to politics, religion or culture; it comes down to us being human and the fact that this is NEVER acceptable.

My faith is nothing if it isn’t love in action.  So there will be no head turning in my house.  We jumped to action as soon as we heard there was something practical we could do.  We searched our house for clothes, shopped for toiletries and food and got packing.  You wouldn’t believe how many coats were tucked in our coat stand that no longer fitted and needed a new home.  A new home in a refugee camp for someone in desperate need.  

The whole situation reminded me of stories my Nan told of the evacuee children coming to Wales from London in World War II.

I remember thinking how scary it must have been for these children to be placed with strangers while the war was happening and how exciting it must have felt for the families welcoming them into their homes.  

Then Sunday Pope Francis calls people of every faith to open their doors and host a migrant family.  It’s time for us to stand up and practice what we preach.  The message #RefugeesWelcome has started to be scattered across social media.  Our doors are beginning to open and our country is saying ‘Yes’. 

Our Prime Minister is making plans to welcome some of the orphaned and vulnerable children from the refugee camps and we say, ‘Our home is their home, we open our doors to them.’ We each need to do our part.  We laughed this morning when I asked my daughter how we'd manage sharing our bathroom if we took in 5 refugee children. I don't know where the number came from but filled with love, she replied, 'I think 5 may be too many to fit in this house.  How about 1 or 2 or 3?' Our hearts and homes are open already. 

The Assembly Member in my area has organised a donation collection point and stepped up to show we as a county care. 

A local pub has offered their back room as a collection point so people can drop off their donations at a local point.  Already people have started filling the space to show their support. 

Our church has started a collection for Medecins Sans Frontieres (Doctors without Borders)who are on the ground offering medical expertise to some of the most vulnerable refugees.  

Together we stand UNITED.  

UNITED Kingdom - #RefugeesWelcome #WeWelcomeRefugees  

There will always be some who question it all and claim it not to be right, but my question to them is, ‘if terror took hold in this country, would you stay, or would you run?’

Our Arabian Adventure

This summer saw us travel to Dubai.  Our hopes of Uganda were quashed by the high flight prices, then we missed out on all the package holidays because we left it so late to book (in the hope the prices to Uganda would reduce) and so we ended up on the first part of the flight we hoped to be on, Birmingham to Dubai.  It would have been lovely to get off that plane and head straight for the Entebbe bound plane but this year, it just wasn’t meant to be.

 

Dubai is a crazy place: rich in so many ways as well as financially.  The thing is though, that I kind of love the whole way the country is set up.  We booked on the city sightseeing tour so that we would see the whole of the sights and hear the commentary.  I’d very much recommend this trip.  It opened my eyes.

I love how Dubai is a proud country.  They declare themselves as a Muslim country and the mosques; stand extravagant and proud amidst the landscapes.  They root themselves in their faith and beliefs.  They know what they stand for and expect every visitor to respect that.  The government even subsidise the building costs of Mosques so that people have a place of worship nearby.  I love that.  I love the saying, ‘if you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything’, and I think Dubai gets that!  I think of my church struggling to raise the funds to make repairs on the tower and make the building more accessible for all the community to use.  We seem a country who is almost ashamed to say what faith, morals and beliefs we stand for in fear of discriminating against others.  There are churches in Dubai, there aren’t many but they are there, but overall they are a Muslim country and are proud to spread this faith so publicly across the nation.

The Emirate people walk proudly around the most expensive and elaborate shopping malls in the world in their traditional Arab costumes.  Men wear white, women black.  Women are covered by their hijabs and whether I agree with this or not, it doesn’t matter because this is their country, their ways, their beliefs, not mine.  I am a visitor here.  This country benefits from the tourism industry greatly.  Visitors pay tax direct to the government for every night they stay in the country.  Couldn’t we learn something from this, Britain?

No one pays tax in Dubai.  It means that people flock from around the world to work here and reap the benefits.  They don’t feel this is their home; they are simply here to serve a purpose, fulfil a job role and then return to their homelands with their wages and savings.  Dubai is a country filled with workers from different nations.  They are all welcome here as long as they abide by the laws of the land.  In light of recent news features here, they could possibly be called migrants and yet they are viewed very differently to the people trying to leave Syria to escape war.  Makes you wonder hey?

Then the best part is that they are led by an optimist.  The leader of Dubai believes that the sky is certainly not the limit.  Take a look at Dubai’s skyline and you’ll know he believes this.  

He wants Dubai to have the biggest and the best.  7* hotel – no problem.  

World’s tallest building – no problem. 

New metro transport system – built and continually being developed and extended.  

You want to ski in the desert – job done!  

The inspirational leadership of this country just wants the best and won’t stop until he gets it.  

I love the air of optimism, hope and inspiration in this country.  They are held in deep traditions and beliefs and yet move with the times at a rate no other country can compare.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to hear our own country’s leaders speaking words of hope, optimism and inspiration?  Wouldn’t it be amazing to hear of greater plans and ways forward for the future that develop our tomorrow rather than listening to messages of doom and gloom of today?  Let’s hear of job creations not losses; of money invested in our grassroots communities not cut backs; of schools being extended and developed, not closed; of healthcare systems the best in the world, not a loss of medical professions in our hospitals.  Maybe a little injection of optimism, hope and inspiration is what we need right now.  Don’t you think?

Just not meant to be....

We hoped to take our shoe cuttings out to Uganda ourselves at the beginning of August.  

Unfortunately we seem to have missed the best price on flight options and even though there are flights available for the dates we needed, it would mean paying more than double what they usually are.  I don’t know about you, but I’d rather my money go on the children or into the villages while we are in Uganda than some hugely wealthy airline company.  

We've tried every possible avenue to make this trip happen but it just doesn't seem to be working out unless we pay out a ridiculous amount of money. We even looked at the possibility of flying from Dublin!!!!  Yes you heard right.  Strangely enough it is cheaper for us to get a flight from Dublin to Heathrow and then a direct flight from Heathrow to Uganda than it is to simply book the second leg of that journey!!  We even asked the airline if we could book this option and board in Heathrow but sadly this isn't possible. We then thought about sticking with the saving of £300 by flying from Dublin and getting a flight from our local airport to Dublin but we hadn't figured that those little hour long flights were so cheap because they don't offer any baggage allowance. So we'd get to the airport but our suitcases with all our stuff and more importantly the shoe cuttings would still remain in Wales. Its just not happening any way we try to work it even if it means us going out of our way to get to our final destination. 

So, sadly, our visit is likely to be postponed until next year. 

 

Don’t worry though.  All our shoes are packed away nicely in my garage and are being kept safely for another year.  The donations made on the night will all be sent directly to Sole Hope to be used in the shoe making process and offering the shoe maker a fair wage. 

 

On a positive light, this means we have another year to hold some more shoe cutting parties and fundraise even more for some brilliant activities next year for the children.

 

We also fundraised through the Christmas bags and that money is sitting in a bank account all ready to go when we go.  We cover all the costs of our flights and accommodation ourselves and every penny we fundraise, goes towards the children, young people and families we meet along the way, wherever the need is most.  Now we get a little longer to do another fundraising push and raise even more for the wonderful people of Uganda. Plus we get to plan ahead and book those flights super early when the best discounts are available. 

Unless we get a lottery win or some miracle happens tomorrow and flights get discounted, our visit this year is going to be a no go. If there are any changes I will keep you posted. 

Party with a purpose

A few months ago we set up a party with a purpose!  

It was a whole new concept in partnership with Sole Hope.  Sole Hope are a charity working on the ground in Uganda.  They help fight the problem of jiggers by giving children closed toe shoes. 

 

Jiggers are nasty little creatures, a bit like a sand flea, that burrow into the skin on children’s feet and sometimes hands.  

They use the skin as a place to lay their eggs and the effects can be debilitating.  Often children with jigger infections can be seen as being cursed and are often ostracised from society.  Many fail to attend school due to the impact it has on their mobility. 

 

Many children in Uganda don’t own a pair of closed toe shoes and that is all they need to prevent jiggers from entering their skin.  It’s a simple solution to a horrible problem.

 

In July 2010 I had my own experience of jiggers.  Myself and my friend stayed at a guest house in the outskirts of Kampala.  It had gone a little downhill from the last time we stayed there.  We knew nothing of jiggers at the time.  Then my friend spotted something on her big toe.  She thought it was a verucca. The next day, the verucca had multiplied.  We spent our final day at the guest house before moving on to the nice hotel at our next stop.  Unbelievably, when we arrived, I had an itch in my toe and was astounded to find that I had now caught a ‘verucca’. Little did we know! 

 

When we got home, with these verucca like things on our toes, my friend booked a GP appointment and was sent straight to the hospital.  She rang me to say her GP thought it was jiggers.  I immediately rang my GP and booked an appointment.  I had two in my one toe.  My GP said he had heard about jiggers but never seen them before.  I was intrigued as he pulled them out of my toe and told me to use a disinfectant wash every day for the next week to make sure all the eggs were killed. 

 

Our experience wasn’t anything too horrific other than a sore toe for a few days but for many children, jiggers can be life changing!

 

Sole Hope encourage people to hold shoe cutting parties.  This was our party with a purpose.  We invited all our friends, family and community members along for a night of shoe cutting.  Each person had to being along any old denim they had and a scissors.  Young and old were able to take part.  Over the evening we cut 55 pairs of shoes and one lady took the pattern away and continued to cut out our pattern so many more shoes can be made. 

 

Everyone enjoyed the evening and it was lovely to do something different that also is a huge practical help to children in Uganda.  Sole Hope employ shoe makers in Uganda who sew together all the patterns we cut and add a sole made of recycled tyres.  It really is a wonderful project.  For more information visit their website at www.solehope.org 

A Christmas FUNdraiser

 I am still so behind on updates and missed what we did just before Christmas.  It was such an amazing fundraiser that I can’t help but recap and go back to share it with you. 

 

I had this bright idea that I could make some little bags of reindeer dust for children to use on Christmas eve.  In researching this idea I also stumbled across snowman soup bags.  I decided to give them both a go.  I made up a few bags and they sold out straight away.

 

I didn’t expect such demand and my kitchen turned into a factory line, with as many willing volunteers as possible, doing their bit to create these bags. 

 

We raised over £300 to take out to Uganda and use in the country.  We hope to hold a reunion of as many of the children from the former children’s home I visited previously as possible as well as holding a fun day in the village school we visit.  This money is invaluable in meaning we can make some wonderful memories for the children and young people to treasure forever.  Thank you to everyone who bought a Christmas bag off me – watch this space for this year’s creations!!!  Get your orders in now LOL!

Family is a verb

Thanks to Ann Voskamp for this take on family. 

The Adoption Diet

Dieting comes in all shapes and forms.  Some diet plans look like starvation strategies while others make me wonder how anyone can lose weight on them when you see the amount of food you have to eat.  Some people live on diets for the whole of their lives.  Some people dip in and out at those times of the year when they feel they need to be a little more toned, for holidays or special occasion’s maybe.  Some people take on an exercise regime as well as a strict diet, while others casually cut down on the bad things.  Some people will never touch a diet.

 

There are so many diet books, exercise DVDs, example food plans and so much more in our societies.  There is a pressure on society to look and feel a certain way.  There’s an emphasis on achieving that ‘perfect body’.  Trends come and go and the names of the diets or lifestyle plans change with time.  

 

There isn’t a one size fits all model in dieting.  

 

Not one book could relate to every person wanting to lose weight or tone up.  Each is as individual as the person reading it.

 

If someone came up with a lifestyle plan that kept everyone fit, healthy and achieving body confidence then they would be a millionaire but that’s never going to happen.

 

It will never happen because we are all unique.

 

We all have goals in life that are distinctive to the person dreaming them up.  We don’t all want to walk the same path or follow the same dreams.    

 

And yet when it comes to adoption we sometimes want that one size fits all model.

 

Social workers and adoption agencies send all prospective adopters on the same training.  We all fit the same home study procedures.  We all get advised on what are the ‘good’ books to buy.  We see other adopters sharing their blogs on the internet and advising us to ‘read this’ and ‘watch that’ because it’s something all adoptive families need to know about.  

 

And when we get our children placed with us we want them to ‘fit’ into the reality we have dreamt up. 

 

We’re setting ourselves and our children up for a fail.  

 

Just like our attitudes to diets, our children are unique and there has been no book written in parenting that little person in front of you. 

 

One technique that works for a friend may not work for you……and that’s OK!  You’re not a failing parent if the successful parenting course doesn’t fit your family.  You’re just working out what works for you.  You’re not a failing parent if you disagree with another parent on how to deal with poor behaviour or even what justifies as poor behaviour.  You’re just working out what works for you.

 

You get the chance to write your own parenting book that is as individual to your family as your child is.

 

Obviously there are characteristics that children and young people can follow depending on their age or stage but if they don’t reach milestones at the same pace as your friend’s child, then that’s OK too!  They’ll get there, in their own time and at their own pace.  

 

We can learn from each other’s experiences and share what does work and what bits we feel like we’re still learning on.  It’s good to have that support network around us but remember, that one size fits all model just isn’t true. 

 

The best of the best authors in child development can write the most amazing book that has ever come out in the adoption world.  And there may be strategies in there that you can use in your family or adapt for your family but that author wrote about their own research and experience from their own perspective - Not yours!  They didn’t study your child; or your family; or your home; or your parenting capabilities; or your past experiences.  It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong if this wonderful book doesn’t fit you – you’re just working out what works for you!

 

In the same way we may stumble across blogs of adult adoptees who share their experiences.  They may tell of a wonderful childhood and feeling a sense of belonging and hope through their adoption, or they may talk of a hell on earth experience of feeling like they were never fully a part of the family they were adopted into and how they wished they’d remained with their birth family, etc, etc.  That child is not your child.  That is NOT YOUR child’s story.  Each story is re-told from their experiences and their own level of understanding and point of view.  There may be similarities and we may learn from mistakes made, but remember, you’re working out what works best for you.  You get the chance to help your child write their own story, not mimic someone else’s’.  

 

Some children have a huge impact from their early trauma, some don’t.  Some children have issues with attachment, some don’t.  Some children will have educational or developmental delays, some won’t.  Some children will be adopted at the earliest opportunity, some won’t.  Some children remain in institutional care for long periods of time; some don’t.  Some children have social skills difficulties, some don’t.  Some children have toileting issues, some don’t.  Some children have food issues, some don’t.  Some children will want to have their whole adoption story re-told to them over and over, some won’t.  Some children have trust issues; some don’t’.   Some children will be resilient, some won’t.  Some children will simply fit, and some won’t. 

 

Some children will thrive and some will stumble and fall.  As parents we have to be there to help them along their own journey.  We have to work out what works best for us! 

 

Adoption support groups are great to share those niggles of when something isn’t going right and to offer a listening ear but they can also drag us down and make us feel a dark fearful gloom.  (On the plus side, it’s always good to hear that maybe some parents are having a harder time than you and you can put your own issues into perspective!)  Adoption research books are an amazing fall back option of knowledge and tried and tested methods of parenting that can sometimes challenge traditional parenting styles but remember there may only be one chapter or even one page that is going to benefit your family in the whole of that book.  (And that’s OK!)  Blogs make the world a smaller place and help us interact with a worldwide community of adoptive families.  They may link us up with a greater support network but just because that blogger has 1,000,000 readers doesn’t mean they hold the answers for you. 

 

The support that is probably best looks like it’s a little bit of everything, all mixed in together and then sifted out to leave you with the bits that work best for you.  You’re writing your own story of a very individual and unique journey remember, because that child in front of you is a unique and individual little human being who comes with their own set of experiences, circumstances and abilities. 

 

Next time you’re feeling like you’re drowning in this world of parenting, go grab a diet book and remember one size doesn’t fit all.

 

Time flies

Doesn’t time fly?  I mean I knew it had been a while since I last updated the blog but I was shocked to see the last post was October 2014!!!! 

 

Life sometimes runs away with me and days soon become weeks and then weeks become months. Life just happens. 

 

The blog sadly took a back seat for a while.  

 

The thing is, even though the blog hasn’t been updated doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing down some thoughts, feelings and opinions on things over the past 8 months.  I have even gone as far as typing them out into blog articles but for some reason the time never seemed to happen to actually upload them on the blog and press the publish button.

 

I wish I could tell you there was a reason but there isn’t.  It really was a case of time running away with me.

 

So now I’m re-charged and ready to start getting those blogs up and running again.

 

I mean, we even missed a Christmas!  (Well we certainly didn’t miss Christmas but you know what I mean, it never appeared here.)  So as well as filling you in on all our goings on, I’ll also add those blog articles that have been lying around for the past few months.  

 

I think I need to be a little more proactive in scheduling in the blogging dates, so here goes…….first blog in a while, coming soon.