Only Brit in town

When I told my local social services department of my wish to adopt Lutaaya, there were many hurdles.  The main one being, no one knew quite what to do.  Inter-country adoption is very rare in the UK, although it can be done and is being done.   Individuals are often not all from the same community so never hear of each other.  I was in a fortunate enough position to know of some families who had already completed the process, who lived in Wales and had adopted from Uganda.  In fact, they had adopted from the very same orphanage Lutaaya is from.  I knew it was possible, I just needed everyone else to be optimistic too.

Knowing I was out on my own in respect to adopting from Uganda, I sat through adoption training, seeing some relevance but having no real link with domestic adoption (adoption taking place in the UK).  My case was to be different.  My case would be rare.  My case would follow different guidelines.  My case would have more obstacles. 

Then to travel to Uganda and see SO MANY people doing just the same thing as me was wonderful, awe-inspiring even!  Such an amazing blessing to be part of this community.  Meeting and talking to other people who had the same heart for the children in Uganda and who were becoming forever families too.

One slight difference:

 I was the only Brit it town. 

Everyone else adopting were Americans. 

I have no clue why inter-country adoptions are more commonplace in America than they are here in the UK?  It still costs money, it’s still a difficult and lengthy process.  We have no drive or national publicity campaign promoting inter-country adoption.  Maybe that’s why?  Who knows?  All I know is for my adoption journey process,

I was the only Brit in town.

I linked up with lots of American families adopting, during my time in Uganda.  Some stayed in my guest house, others adopted from the same orphanage.  Some I knew simply on the basis of a smile and greeting, others I spent lengthy days with, helping each other out on our down days and supporting each other as and when we could. 

One day, towards the end of my visit to Uganda, I convinced myself that I had lost my accent.  I believed that due to me only hearing American accents, that I had picked up on it too.  Lutaaya heard ‘Mom’ or ‘Mommy’ so many times that I was sure that’s what she’d think she had to call me.  (I think the Ugandan culture and sunshine by this point was taking it’s toll.) 

The funny thing is, on talking to Nathan and Bethany, they believed they were picking up on my accent!  To any Ugandans listening in, we must have sounded a right odd group, especially when you add in eyebrow yes’s as Ugandans so often do. 

It didn’t bother me being the only Brit in town.  I would rather be with like-minded people from wherever they are from in the World than be stuck in an adoption process on my own.  What this time did though was open the door to a new way of thinking.  No, not all children in orphanages are orphans.  Yes, if there can be family traced and the family are able to protect, care and provide for that child in their home, then that is the best place for them.  But if there is no alternative for these children, they shouldn’t simply be left to ‘rot’ in orphanages around the world.  Let’s promote fostering and adoption.  Let’s start with advocating this in their home countries, so they can keep their culture and customs alive, but let’s also not close the door on the idea of inter-country adoption.  This is a process that should be celebrated and promoted, when it’s in the best interest of the child.  My friend Keren wrote here, in her blog about a recent domestic adoption taken place in Uganda.

And no, I’m not expecting all you Brits to run and ask social services if you can start an inter-country adoption today.  In fact I think I’d discourage it.  It has to be the right choice for you.  It has to be the right choice for that child.  Read Keren’s blog here to find out that not only ‘orphans’ end up in orphanages.  Let’s get promoting adoption and fostering in our own countries!  There are so many children in the UK waiting for families to come forward.  They aren’t all babies, but imagine the joy an older child could bring to your life.  Let’s get behind those people who choose to foster and adopt.  Children are children from whatever part of the world they are from.  They all have dreams, ambitions and needs.  Let’s become a more accepting nation to the idea of fostering and adoption. 

Then maybe I won’t be the only Brit in town! 

And if anyone reading this has already adopted, inter-country or domestic, please do get in touch, regardless of what stage of the process you are in.  Sometimes all you need to know is you are not alone.

Blog Challenge!

I’ve been writing my blog over the past six months now.  I’ve tried to post on things that are important to me.  I wanted to use the blog as a way to share our adoption journey with everyone, near and far away friends.  I also thought that in years to come it would be a wonderful way to look back at our journey and see how far we came for both myself and Lutaaya. 

I want my posts to include current experiences that we are having as a family, court dates, realities of adoption etc, whilst also keeping links with Uganda, that special country that has captured my heart.  I often link with other people’s blogs to bring you even more updates of adoption or Uganda. 

(And now here comes the ‘but’.)

But I realise I haven’t written about EVERYTHING.  The start of our journey is missing for instance.  No one knows how this whole link with Uganda started for me.  No one knows when it all began or how.  No one knows how long the adoption process has taken or the costing around it all.   No one knows of other work I carry out in Uganda.  No one knows if I have more plans to return to Uganda or if I feel the Ugandan journey is complete or ongoing.

So here’s your chance.

Bloggy buddies.  I know you read my blog but what do YOU want to know?  What question about adoption, Uganda, us as a family would you like answered? 

I want to continue with this blog and I have a list of things I plan on blogging about but I also want to hear what blogs you’d like included. 

So there’s the CHALLENGE!

Leave a comment on here of your question or send me a message via facebook.  I won’t guarantee to answer them all instantly, but I will promise to answer them all over time.  Please don’t be worried about asking, as I will share what I can.  Even if you’ve spoken face to face with me about our adoption journey, if you think it’s relevant to share with others, just ask!  I promise to reply to every question/comment and you never know, maybe your topic will be blogged about in the near future.  So whether you know me as a friend, simply as an acquaintance, or have stumbled across our blog, this is your chance to be a part of our story.

I’m excited to hear what you want to find out, so get thinking, type that question then be brave and send it to me.  

Dancing her own style to a new rhythm

I remember so well the evening Lutaaya and myself joined Nathan, Bethany and Jaydn to visit the Ugandan Cultural Centre.  I wrote about it here.  I loved how Lutaaya would remember this evening and the true rhythm behind her culture.  I know how she listened to the man say, ‘dance in your own style,’ when he called all the children out the front to join him. 

Six months on and we find ourselves in Wales.  The country has changed but the little girl remains with rhythm.   Dancing with her Welsh friends now. Following a new style but making it her own.  Dancing through her journey in her own unique and special way.

Looking so proud in her Welsh traditional costume

Mirror, mirror

It’s always nice to have updates from Lutaaya’s former home in Uganda.  Since adopting her we’ve stayed in touch with the country director and also friends who visit regularly from the UK.  Lutaaya loves hearing how her friends are doing.  To live with children for 7 years, you must feel like they are brothers and sisters.  I have to remember that in the great picture of things, Lutaaya’s adoption is the best possible outcome for her, but she has also suffered many great losses, losing the friendships she once had, the routine she knew and also losing the younger children who she so desperately adored, protected and cared for. 

When we heard that our dear friends, who loved Lutaaya so much during their visits (and still do), Nancy and Sara, were heading back to Uganda, we used it as an opportunity to get a gift delivered to the children.  My Mum went and bought a set of wall mirrors for the home.  Knowing that it was one thing Lutaaya had missed out on.  I mean, imagine not seeing yourself for the first 9 years of your life so much that when people give you a photograph, you don’t actually know 100% that it is indeed you!!!  This is still the case for so many children in orphanages.  They don’t know who they are!  How can they create an individual identity when they don’t even have the first step of self-recognition?

So Jjajja to the rescue and mirrors were sent to Uganda packed up and on their way with Nancy and Sara.  A few weeks ago we received an email from the country director showing us that the mirrors have made it up on the walls.  I thought you’d like to share in the joy we had in seeing the photos too.

It’s also heartbreaking to know that each time we hear from Uganda there have been new additions to the home.  So sad to think that even with all the help going into Uganda, the country is still no further forward in preventing baby/child abandonment and it’s still happening today.  This little cutie is a recent new addition. 

She’s also in the mirror picture above.  Aged at only 18 months old, she was left to fend for herself, through no fault of her own.  All this precious little girl needs is a mother’s love but yet she wakes up each morning in an orphanage.  Please keep her and all the other children at Lutaaya’s former home in your prayers.  Please pray that families can be traced and positive resettlements will happen.  Failing that, pray that these children, like Lutaaya, will find their forever families and forever homes, so they get the Mummy cuddles they need and deserve.

Is the end in sight????

On Friday 3rd June 2011, my sweet girl had been in the UK for six months.  This means that we can now apply to the court for a UK adoption order.  It's been a week and we haven't heard anything.  Please keep in your prayers that we get a date soon.  It really is the light at the end of a long tunnel.  I know she's mine, but this OFFICIALLY makes her mine and I can't wait for that piece of paper!  So please pray - court date soon!

Gardening with Grampa

Lutaaya thrives on being creative.  She loves hands on learning!  What better way for her to learn than have advice from the expert, in creating new beauty in this wonderful world.  It was time for her to explore the garden and the joy of creation.

So down to 'Grampa's greenhouse' she goes.  Grampa being the gardening expert.  And oh how much fun they had.  There is a huge amount of respect between these two special people.  Lutaaya seems to know that Grampa has a wise head.  He is a perfect role model for my sweet girl.

Not too keen on the smell of the fresh compost!

Doing such a good job

The busy life of being 'Mum'

Lots of people have commented on how slow the blog updates have been lately.  I can only apologise and as you'll see, the updates have been 'updated'.  You can have a catch up of what we've been up to over the Spring season by scrolling down.

It's true to say that becoming Mum overnight to a 9/10 year old, we certainly hit the road running.  I also can't deny that I love it!  I love the organised chaos.  I love the every day moments.  I love the realisation of day to day moments that can be recognised as 'firsts for Lutaaya.'  I love being Mum.

So the reason for the lack of regular blogs, has simply been down to being so busy.

The reality of now being a full time worker as well as a single Mum is in full swing.  It's manageable.  Just.  With huge thanks to my friends and family.  We have many 'angels' in our daily lives who dip in and out to steer us along and give us that helping hand we need.  I am grateful for that.   

We took full advantage of the Easter school holidays and had an action packed itinerary.  So here goes, here's the lowdown on our Spring holidays!

First stop - the zoo!  Being an adoptive Mum, I need to try and enable Lutaaya to experience the things most children experience in their earlier years if they were born in the UK.  It's a tricky balancing act, as I don't want to 'simple' her by doing 'baby' activities, I want her to understand what other children have experienced so that she too has memories of these events.  She needs experiences she's missed out on as well as experiences appropriate for her age now.

But I think we all enjoy a trip to the zoo no matter how big or small we are!

There certainly seemed to be an animal theme going on this Easter, as you'll realise!  Next stop - the community farm.

We loved this little farm as it offers great hands on learning for children young and old.  It has a real family feel about it, and offers an intimate atmosphere.  Great for a little girl to explore!  I think this will be one of many visits.

Then came a Royal Wedding!  Lutaaya loved watching the wedding of Prince William and Kate on TV!  It just so happened that it was one of her Godfather's birthdays too!  So we were invited to his birthday/street party.  And look who turned up!

There is a Lutaaya hiding under there!

Uncle Cameron returned home from France, so he wanted to give Lutaaya an Easter treat.  Farm number 2 coming up!  A day out, as an Easter gift off Uncle Cameron.  Not so many 'animal' photos included in this one!  Just one little girl and one BIG kid, having lots of fun!

This is in the BIG Ferris Wheel!  Not quite sure what she expected but it was the one thing she wanted to do all day!

So there you have it!  The reasons why we were so busy, I never managed a blog update! 

Our journey continues, so I will try my best to keep the blogs coming! We should have a court date soon for an adoption order in the UK!  I'll keep you all posted.  I can apply on 3rd June so please pray that the date will come soon.  We can finally put the legal journey to rest then and know that we truly are a 'forever family'.