Snow day Turmoil

Yes I love snow.  Yes we snow dance in this house and we hope it’s deep.  No we do not like the fall out that the disruption brings.

You see kids who have suffered trauma in their lives love routine.  They love to feel like they are in control of things, so routine helps them in gaining control of their day to day lives.  They like to know what’s happening in advance.  They like the stability this gives them.  If plans change, they need as much notice as possible, and reassurance along the way. 

Snow in this country changes everything!

Snow comes and everything stops!

Including school!

So routines go out the window. 

Not only does routine go out the window but change happens suddenly so there is no advance warning of the change.  On a snow day you still have to get up and go through the motions of there being school, until that text comes through to say otherwise.  Then there's the opposite, when we go to bed with the expectation of snow, and wake to find it has come to nothing so school is back on.  The routine of snow days almost sets in and then we awake to find there is in fact school.  So the change for returning to ‘normal’, becomes another unsettling change in itself. 

Anyone who has been a part of our daily routine, knows that we don’t discuss plans openly, or my daughter sets her heart on whatever has been discussed as happening.  We try to keep a routine as smooth as possible and don’t appreciate sudden changes to plans.  When things get too much or there have been too many changes, we have to make our world small again.  We may turn into hermits in the house, but we need this time to regain some control of the situation and to give my daughter a chance to regulate her feelings and behaviours.

You see where there is change, there is fall out.

Whether you call it stubbornness or strong-willed, this kid has it by the bucket load!

Children who have suffered trauma struggle with this feeling of losing control, through the lack of routine and struggle to regulate their behaviours and emotions.  They may be feeling angry or upset and this is taken out on those closest to them.  They can lash out, become verbally aggressive, violent, stroppy, disrespectful or disobedient.  Whatever and however that behaviour is portrayed in a child, one word can describe it – challenging.

It is often only the main caregivers who see this behaviour and suffer the consequences. 

Now we have no control of the snow and we have to learn to live with these fast changes of is there school, isn’t there school.  The past few days have been a learning curve of a different form in this house.  It is difficult to think the challenges are not personal, but it does come down to recognising the reasoning behind the behaviours and knowing it has nothing to do with the here and now, it has everything to do with the horrible past trauma our children have experienced.  It isn’t personal and the child in front of us is still the child we love and cherish. 

So yep, it was nice seeing you snow – but please, just let us get back to our routine!