The frustrating system

The main frustration I have in adopting an older child, has had nothing to do with Lutaaya as a person, but the ‘system’ we have ultimately in the UK!  This ‘system’ is wonderful to many.  It served me well and I kind of fitted.  But not all kiddies do fit!

Lutaaya doesn’t fit this ‘system’.

Not many adopted kids fit.  Not many bereaved kids fit.  Not many low ability kids fit.  The list goes on……….

Our one system for all concept, certainly doesn’t FIT!

Let me explain.

I was fortunate enough to have some time to spend with Lutaaya both in Uganda and in the UK when I was able to take adoption leave.  Being a single Mum, meant I could only manage to take the basic leave, as personally, we couldn’t make ends meet if I had to drop to only statutory adoption pay.  So I returned to work twelve weeks after Lutaaya was placed in my family.  In one sense this time was priceless.  In another, it was over too quickly. 

In those early days I tried my best to become Mum and teacher.  Add to this the time of year we arrived in Wales (Christmastime) and you’ll appreciate the hustle and bustle my little girl was brought home too.  In hindsight, I can see that Lutaaya had THAT much to understand, learn and experience from a social level, that all the ‘teaching’ I did was simply a case of going through the motions.  I mean, she listened and she sat patiently as we worked through activities, games and worksheets.  She participated fully, but in the bigger picture, there was so much else that she needed to learn to live in this new country and be a part of a family, that she couldn’t retain everything.

Soon enough Lutaaya had to join our education system.  We realised relatively quickly how far behind, academically, Lutaaya was to her peer group. 

Lutaaya didn’t fit!

Lutaaya had been schooled in Uganda, but the teaching there isn’t comparable to UK standards.  Children in Uganda progress by ability rather than age, so in Uganda, Lutaaya was a Year 2 pupil.  In Wales, due to us working on an age levelling system rather than ability levelled, Lutaaya suddenly jumped to Year 5.  Woah, what a jump that was!

We were soon realising that Lutaaya had not only to catch up on the basics, but had to also try and keep up with her peer group.  A difficult job for any child to do, let alone a sweet girl who has just moved from one country to another and is experiencing two very extreme cultures. 

One of the most difficult parts of adopting an older child, in my experience has been to watch her struggle.  To see the look of disappointment on her face when she can’t work out her homework.  The look that almost questions my choice in bringing her from Uganda to Wales. 

In amongst this there has been a very resilient little girl present.  A little girl who refuses to let schoolwork and her past teaching get her down.  A little girl who continues to impress me each and every day. 

Not scared to try anything!

Reaching new heights in more ways than one!

I am so proud of her.

My little girl, won’t let this system that doesn’t fit her, win.

I continue to be both Mum and teacher.  I will continue to do this each and every day.  We will get Lutaaya up to the same level as her peers.  We will work through additional issues that are raised in subjects such as R. E. when she has to reflect on her past.  We will work through explaining to teachers Lutaaya’s background so that they can start to appreciate what subjects/topics she will find difficult to talk about.  We will raise awareness of this one for all system not fitting all children.  We will raise awareness of the issues adopted and fostered young people have to deal with to those who will listen, and to those that won’t listen, we’ll talk louder so that they do.

We will find what strengths my little girl has.  We will encourage and support 110%

And when Mum turns teacher, we will also have lots of fun together.  Just some things we got up too this weekend:

Designing some canvasses for Lutaaya's bedroom

It's not only arty, it's messy!

Urgh!  Can you believe this is the same girl who wouldn't bake cookies for want of staying clean 6 months ago?

Voila!

Ending the day with an attempt of some Ugandan cooking

Enjoying her mandazi treats